Every night I go to bed thinking what I need to do the next day, what I should have done but didn’t that day, and what changes I can make to fix the things I don’t like. Generally it goes like this: “why did I eat that? when am I going to start spending more time active and outdoors? what’s for breakfast tomorrow? where is my first customer?” This goes on for about thirty minutes before I can feel myself getting tired. It seems the same stuff comes up every single night and I know how to fix it but routine habits inhibit the changes.
*pause*……. take bite of lemon cake…….. *continue*…
What is the catalyst for change? How can I force it upon myself? How can I find it and make it happen now?
*pause*……. take gulp of monster energy drink………. *continue…
Somehow I keep telling myself it is a financial issue. When there isn’t as much financial pressure, I can spend $600/year on a gym membership, work less than 40 hours a week at my day job, do more of what I need to be doing.
I think this is just a crutch to mentally tell myself it is OK that I don’t start now. Will there ever not be financial pressure? Doubtful. I worry myself constantly about “what if” and such. I believe the changes may be a thing of Zen. I very much believe in balance in life. I think things work in waves. I think my weight fluctuates until it hits a peak which acts like a tipping point and sends my mind into an appropriate fury to eat healthier and spend more time away from a keyboard and desk. I think after I work out a lot, I will get to the point where I am satisfied with my weight, look, and healthiness. I think this is the valley that relieves the fury onset by the peak. This brings weakness back into my mind and lets me get back into the habit of living behind the keyboard, eating disgustingly unhealthy foods, and beginning that climb to the peak again.
A big problem I am facing now is that I no longer have my weights, bow machine, and punching bags. With my previous living arrangements, I had all of them in the same house. I showed up after work, had a small meal, began stretching and working the punching bags, then hit the bow machine until I was satisfied. This became almost a daily routine. My weight was about 140-145 lbs which given my height and natural build was about right if not even a little underweight. Now I have no equipment within immediate reach. I have no gym membership. I have grown accustomed to DVR’s, big screen TV’s, computers, and air conditioning.
Last night something hit me though. Myself and the wife always watch The Biggest Loser on NBC and for some reason it clicked in my head last night that comfortable is fat. I need to keep that in front of my eyes and realize when I do things that are physical, that it will not be comfortable and there’s a good reason for that. Comfortable is fat. If you only do all the things that keep you comfortable, you will become fat. If you only spend time inside in air conditioning behind a TV, computer, video game, or kitchen table, you will be fat. It isn’t comfortable being on a bicycle or treadmill. It isn’t supposed to be. The immediate physical comfort is gone and replaced with the knowledge that you’re healthier.
Now I just need to get moving on this idea and keep it fresh in my head. Ehhh maybe tomorrow.
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